I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
