Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
