I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
