Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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