whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
