can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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