he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
