filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
