Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
