Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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