I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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