I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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