But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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