We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
