You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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