Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
