Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
