All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
