Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
