before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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