I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
