yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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