Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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