So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
