i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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