You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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