clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
