So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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