I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
