i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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