his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
