I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
