Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
