i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
