The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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