Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
