If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize