and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
