Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.