HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
