According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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