you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.