she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
