is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
