By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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