is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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