she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
