Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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