I can text with my tongue
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
