Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
