More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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