God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
