is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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