Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
