here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
