I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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