i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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