Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
