His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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