cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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