he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
