I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
