this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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