did you get engaged???
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
