My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
