i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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