So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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