Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
