I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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