so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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