some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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