my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
