Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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