The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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