I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
