The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
