why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
