Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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