my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
