i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
