I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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