apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
