i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
